


The Birds and the (Oblivious) Bees

by NeoDiji, tmariea (OccasionalArtist)



Category: Tales of Zestiria
Genre: M/M, The Talk, bad sex metaphors, sorey and mikleo being little shits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 08:42:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10553402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeoDiji/pseuds/NeoDiji, https://archiveofourown.org/users/OccasionalArtist/pseuds/tmariea
Summary: Zaveid attempts to give Sorey and Mikleo The Talk.  They are not impressed.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NeoDiji](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeoDiji/gifts).



> Featuring- Sorey and Mikeo being little shits.
> 
> For NeoDiji, for giving me the idea, as well as letting me lift some lines directly from our conversation.

“How in the world do you not know better by now?” Mikleo hissed at Sorey through his teeth.

“Ah, sorry,” Sorey replied, and hung his head while scratching the back of his neck.  His attention turned quickly back to Zaveid, who was seated across from them at a table in the inn lobby, with a mug of ale clutched in one hand.  How many he had drank before that was anyone’s guess.  The way he looked at the two of them, Sorey knew they were in trouble.  As Mikleo said, he should have known it, from the moment Zaveid slung his arms around their shoulders and said he had some worldly advice to share.  It was even worse in that Rose, Lailah and Edna had taken up residence on one of the couches nearby to watch.  The only small mercy was that it was late enough at night that the other patrons had cleared out, and the innkeeper retreated to a back room.

“So, Sheps, I saw how you looked at our Mikky boy here in the sauna this afternoon.  Trickling sweat, flushed cheeks and all that.”  He paused to wiggle his eyebrows and take another swig from his mug.

“If you continue that thought, I will turn your ale to water.”

Zaveid gasped in horror and clutched his ale to his bare chest.  “You wouldn’t.”

“He would.”

“Anyways, what I wanted to ask is if Old Zenrus ever taught the two of you about the important stuff.”

“Well, sure, Gramps taught us all sorts of important stuff,” Sorey said, hesitation in his voice.  The sauna and their education struck him as rather unrelated subjects, but he continued, “Like reading, and writing, and history, oh, and some survival skills, too.”

“No, I’m talking about the birds and the bees.”

“There was that unfortunate period when we were six when Sorey wanted to be an Elysialark.  So yes, unfortunately, we know all about birds.  Less about bees.”

Sorey crossed his arms and looked away from Mikleo.  “Hey, you didn’t mind!  You were just as interested.”

“Not interested enough to try to look like one.”  Mikleo reached over to twitch one of his earrings.  No matter how many times he did that, it always made Sorey blush.

“Is it even possible for the two of you to tone it down for a few minutes?” Edna added.  When they looked over, she had retreated back into her role as mildly-disinterested spectator.

Zaveid, on the other hand, was looking at them with a lot of interest.  “Alright, it’s obvious that you’ve thought about it at least.”

“Thought about what?”

“You know, bumping uglies.”

Those words rang no bells for Sorey.  It didn’t seem like any of their answers had made headway either, so perhaps the best strategy would be to keep silent.  Zaveid would give up eventually.

That was not the case.  He set his mug down on the table, and began to lean forward slightly as he continued to talk in riddles.  “Assault with a friendly weapon.  Practicing with his staff.  Gland to gland combat.”  He paused here to insert another eyebrow waggle.

That, along with the increasingly suggestive tone of voice, was enough for Sorey to put two and two together.  Zaveid was asking them about their sex life.  The metaphors were exceedingly strange – and why in the world were they all about fighting? – but for some reason they existed, and Zaveid was asking them about their sex life.  Boy was it a good thing he had a bit of blush left from Mikleo playing with his earring.  His current blush could just join the party.  He glanced at Mikleo to see if he had reached the same conclusion.  His bright cheeks and a tiny nod confirmed.

Zaveid was too wrapped up in his terrible metaphors to notice the exchange.  He barreled on forward, oblivious to the fact that the two boys on the other side of the table looked even more as if they would like to be anywhere else. “Taking an adult nap.  Churning the butter.  Dipping the stinger in the honey.  None of these ring a bell?”

“None at all,” Mikleo said.  Sorey didn’t miss the sly lilt in his tone, but he doubted anyone with a less intimate knowledge of Mikleo’s voice would catch it.  It spoke mischief.  The light in his eyes even more so when they glanced at each other again.  If Zaveid was going to make them sit through this, they were not going to make it easy.  Sorey gave a tiny incline of his head, and then settled back to watch.  He knew his inability to lie would give them up, so he would let Mikleo do the talking.

“Maybe if you described it?” Mikleo continued, smoothly covering up the beat left by their silent conversation.

A small noise drew Sorey’s attention to the group behind Zaveid.  Rose’s face was red with suppressed laughter, and she was failing even at that task.  Looking at her made him want to start laughing too, so he turned back in time to see Zaveid making a grandiose gesture with his arms, which flung his mug of ale to one side and threatened to slop the contents.  This was no good for Sorey’s restrained mirth either, but he did his best to keep his face in check.

“I thought you would never ask.”

They thought they would never ask either.

Mikleo was visibly restraining himself from putting a hand to his forehead, Sorey could tell in the way that his fingers on the table twitched.  But he put on a brilliant show with a face that was both curious and confused, and said, “Please, go ahead.”

“Alright, now when a man’s assets have arisen…” Zaveid began.

Sorey didn’t quite catch his next words past the distraction of Rose leaning over and burying her face in Lailah’s lap.  Lailah herself had pulled out a fan of cards to hide her blush, and Edna continued to look unimpressed.  As far as himself, he was certain he must be blushing, too, and attempting to keep the corners of his mouth from twitching was not going very well.  Zaveid seemed to either be too tipsy or too wrapped up in his speech to notice.

The innuendo problem never improved.  It was perhaps impressive, that Zaveid managed to waltz his way through an entire description of sex, accompanied by a crude gesture or two, without ever mentioning such important words as ‘penis’ or ‘orgasm.’  Sorey was left thinking it was a good thing they already knew about sex; if they didn’t they probably would have walked away from the conversation more confused when they started.

“So, do you get it now?” Zaveid finally asked, once he had wound down.

Mikleo, who definitely deserved a prize for remaining calm and collected through the whole thing, looked him right in the eye and said. “No.”

“Oh come on!  You seriously still don’t understand?  Man the two of you are beyond choir-boy pure.”

“Could you maybe put it in more plain terms?” He suggested.  “All of these metaphors are rather obscure.”  On the couches behind Zaveid, Rose still had her face buried against Lailah’s knees to stifle her laughter, but a heavy snort broke through anyway.

Zaveid scowled impressively before draining his mug.  At this point, even he seemed to be reaching the breaking point on his ridiculous metaphors.  He set the mug down with a hollow clank and a few choice mutterings on oblivious youngsters.  “I’m talking about sex!”

They had done it.  They had gotten him to break.  Goal accomplished, Sorey decided it was safe to add his two cents again.   He clapped a fist into his open palm and said with enthusiasm, “Ah, Mikleo, that’s great!  We have a term for it now!  It’s called ‘sex.’”

“Oh thank the Lords,” Mikleo replied, dropping the innocent act and the oblivious face.  He let a shit-eating grin creep into its place.  “It was getting really tiring having to say, ‘do you want to do that thing that feels really good, you know, where you put your hard dick up my ass.’  Far too much of a mouthful, really.”

That was the end of Rose’s control.  She rolled over and clutched her stomach while she roared with laughter.  Even Edna had drooped forward to rest her forehead on her propped up umbrella while her shoulders shook.  Lailah looked mostly shocked at Mikleo’s use of language, but she was definitely hiding a few giggles behind her cards along with her red face.

“Wait, so you’re telling me you knew what I was talking about the whole time?” Zaveid demanded, while leaning forward towards them with wide eyes.

“It did take us a few metaphors in – Mikleo wasn’t kidding when he said they were obscure – but yes.”

“And you just let me keep going?”

“Well, you were the one who started asking about our sex life in the first place.  You brought it on yourself,” Mikleo said, crossing his arms.  He looked rather pleased with himself.

Zaveid flung up his hands and groaned.  “You know Micky-Boy you are a damn better actor than I ever gave you credit for.  But at any rate, I think you owe me another ale for going through all that.”

“I don’t know, it seemed like you were enjoying yourself,” Edna input from behind.  She had stood so she could lean on her umbrella, with her normal deadpan expression firmly back in place.

Zaveid turned around, just now seeming to remember that the three girls had been behind them for the entire conversation.  “Not you too.”

“Well of course me too.  Wouldn’t want to miss out on the fun.  But now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll take my leave before you start asking for details.  That is information I do not need.”  She slung her umbrella over her shoulder and picked her way around the empty tables toward the stairs.

“I think Edna has the right idea,” Sorey said.  “It’s late; I’m pretty beat.”  Not to mention, he was in favor of escaping before Zaveid started asking for details as well.  He did hold up a placating hand though, and add, “I will get you that ale, just, tomorrow alright?” 

He stood from the table and took Mikleo’s hand.  After all they had just sat through, this should have been nothing, but it drew a small blush from his water seraph anyway, which made him grin.  Mikleo just scowled and started across the room as well, dragging Sorey along behind him.

Once they were tucked into the shadow of the stairs, Sorey nudged a bit closer and murmured in his ear, “You know what else is a mouthful?”

In the dim light, he could just see Mikleo squeeze his eyes shut and press his free hand to his forehead.  “That metaphor was nearly as awful as Zaveid’s.  And you do realize he can probably still hear you?  You’re just giving him more ammo.”

He pretended to think on the matter for the moment before saying, “That’s alright.”

“Well then, I’ll accept your offer,” Mikleo said, and resumed tugging him up the stairs.

**Author's Note:**

> I am here to tell you that the line “When a man’s assets have arisen” is a real line which I heard someone use with my own two ears, while we were trying to give a friend the sex talk. Everyone in the room except for our poor confused friend just died laughing, and it was supremely unhelpful, but I will never, ever forget it.


End file.
